Don't want your child to have a heart attack in their 30's? You might want to learn about attachment
You've probably heard of attachment - the bond between parents & their children. But what you probably don't know is that poor attachment increases the risk of cancer & heart attacks.
Attachment is the bond that a child has with others, in particular their parents. That is why in "attachment parenting" parents co-sleep & do extended breastfeeding to increase attachment. Studies show that poor attachment as a child affects a child’s long-term health.
Poor attachment is associated with cardiovascular disease, cancer, & numerous psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Diseases that affect the body (e.g., cancer) likely happen because of epigenetic changes where DNA expression is altered. In other words, attachment in kids literally changes how their body works at a cellular level.
Psychiatric disorders occur because children do not develop a sense of safety and security. Imagine always feeling that you might not have enough food or a home to sleep in. For children with insecure attachment, this is their world. Their caregivers aren’t responsive to their needs - needs can include food, clothing, comfort, safety, etc. When these are absent, a child grows up in a constant state of fear.
The quality of the attachments is more important than the quantity of attachments i.e., a few close relationships are better than 50 superficial relationships. Bonds with parents (or primary caregivers) are by far the most important. Let’s talk about easy ways to ensure your child grows up with strong attachment.
In future weeks we’ll cover how to re-build strong attachment once it’s lost (I’ve personally had to do this). Subscribe to make sure you don’t miss it.
8 simple ways to build strong attachment with your children
Play: So many parents won’t PLAY with their kids. Kids’ love language is play.
Be Present and Attentive: Numerous studies have shown how parents ignoring their children increases distress in young children. Phone increase this problem. Set aside no-screen time FOR YOU. Practice active listening, undivided attention, and genuine interest in your child's thoughts and feelings.
Establish Daily Routines: Children thrive with a routine. It doesn’t have to be inflexible. We rarely start our homeschool at the same time but generally follow a similar schedule every day. We also discuss the plan for the day. Daily routines provide a sense of security for children - especially young children or those with insecure attachment.
Encourage Kids to Express their feelings: Create a safe space for your child to share emotions, validating their feelings without judgment. So many parents will focus on what needs to happen - we have leave for school/doctor’s appointment - instead on how the child is feeling. Ask your child how they are feeling. You might be surprised at how much bonding can occur in these simple words.
Share Meals Together: One of my favorite thing about homeschooling is that we share nearly all our meals as a family. But even just a single meal together serves as a placeholder to foster communication and bonding. Try to make these no screen events - for everyone - including YOU.
Read Together: Long-time readers know how much I believe in reading to your children. My children’s lives are filled with stories! Establishing a reading routine with your young children will reap benefits for you long-term both in terms of attachment and academics. If you don’t want to read yourself, try audiobooks but sit together as a family and discuss them.
Play Outside: OK, we already said play but there is something special about playing outside that soothes the soul. Get outside, hike, go for a picnic, and watch your children come alive.
Plan Special One-on-One Time: This is a biggie for multi-children households or where one parent is working long (or unusual hours). Dedicate individualized time with each child every day. This makes them feel valued and cherished - as all children should feel.
Our relationships with our kids last their entire lives Set them up for success. Love them deeply.
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