There is so much here that resonates with me. The trust in children’s capability, the willingness to let them struggle, the importance of a culture that takes learning seriously. All of that feels very close to how I think about my own children. I am addressing your very good article as a mirror not a target.
As I read, I noticed some paradoxes arising in me around my own efforts as a parent. I want to challenge my children because I believe they are capable. But at what point does challenging them become me deciding what they ought to care about? I want to resist removing obstacles from their path. But how often am I also the one choosing which obstacles should be in their path in the first place? I want them to become independent, capable adults (I too treat them as the adults they will become). Yet how much independence can they really develop if I remain the main architect of what they study, what counts as worthwhile, and what deserves their effort?
I definitely don't think we should simply withdraw and leave children entirely to themselves. Parents inevitably shape the environment, transmit values, open doors, and sometimes insist on things children would not choose on their own. But your article left me wondering where that boundary lies. When I am up at 2AM thinking about my kids’ education, this is probably the question I struggle with most: how do I take responsibility for creating a rich environment for them without subtly taking ownership of their lives?
I feel this so much, and it is something I struggle with too. My current answer (subject to change) is that we should be more in control in the younger years, then loosen the reins in middle school, and then try to be mostly a guide in those high school years. There are still some boundaries about what they "must do" but trying to allow more and more choice. The thing about parenting is it feels like this constant dance. Once you have them figured out they shift and change. I think that's the hardest for me. Changing with them. I'm going to think harder on this. Are there a series of questions we can ask ourselves that help us decide should we intervene? is this a fight worth having? what is my role here? As my children get older, they are also putting ME in my place more (ex: they don't need help, they just want to vent). So perhaps it's simply listening to them more and being in tune with what they need. Either way, I wish I had a more clean answer. For now, I can simply say. You aren't alone. I feel the same -- and I think most parents do.
Thank you for this article Claire. Like you said, we do not to push our children more if they are capable, this builds resilience. And this can be applied to all facets of life.
Sports it great, but at such an early age, making it such a huge part of life - such as 3 times a week for training and competition, I find it too much, especially in combination with long school days. where do children get to rest and consolidate their day and ideas?
Thank you so much for this excellent article. It’s clear, concise, and makes every point so clearly. I agree with so much of it, especially the sports part, which is not talked about enough.
Thank you so much for the compliment. It made my day. Whenever I speak about sports it’s always a big contention online. I’m going to keep doing it. Thank you for the support❤️
Phenomenal article. I think here in the US, children are viewed incredibly fragile and incapable, in relation to learning. For example, my mother was an elementary principal and told me that the district outlined that kindergarten students should learn to count 1-10. Concurrently, the Montessori she enrolled me in had us doing 1-100. I do believe in assessing a child’s capability and not capping their learning. Thank you for this!
We did Montessori too, and it was incredible how much more the children were doing and so quickly. Montessori clearly respected children and thought they could do so much more.
Your distinction between taking learning seriously and demanding a sixteen-hour school day really matters. For teen money conversations, one practical starting point is letting them plan a small purchase within a budget, then discussing their choices without grading them. How do you recognize when a challenge needs more support rather than a higher bar?
It's not about the money. It's about wanting more and going after it.
Korea and Poland were both in extreme poverty a few decades before they became educational superpowers. Korea had been devastated by the Korean War. Poland had bread-lines behind the iron curtain. In a few decades-- out of sheer WILL - they became academic superpowers. Because they wanted it. We could if we wanted to. We chose not to.
The class that my daughter gets with a PhD archeologist is $300. We use ESA funds to pay for it. If my daughter was attending the local public school the school would receive 14K. I'm educating her far better for far less.
You can take FREE classes with PhDs through Harvard on edX and ASU's universal learning program is also open to anyone for FREE and has hundreds of college classes that if you want you can pay a nominal fee for and get college credit.
Money will not solve the education problem.
If it could, it would be solved. The only way is for people to decide to CARE. It will take a culture who decided education is the central responsibility of childhood and that children are capable of that work.
And America doesn't want to have a serious conversation about that. Until she is, I write for the parents who are engaged enough to find it for their own children.
It doesn't take money -- it does takes will. A hope more will take up the mantle.
There is so much here that resonates with me. The trust in children’s capability, the willingness to let them struggle, the importance of a culture that takes learning seriously. All of that feels very close to how I think about my own children. I am addressing your very good article as a mirror not a target.
As I read, I noticed some paradoxes arising in me around my own efforts as a parent. I want to challenge my children because I believe they are capable. But at what point does challenging them become me deciding what they ought to care about? I want to resist removing obstacles from their path. But how often am I also the one choosing which obstacles should be in their path in the first place? I want them to become independent, capable adults (I too treat them as the adults they will become). Yet how much independence can they really develop if I remain the main architect of what they study, what counts as worthwhile, and what deserves their effort?
I definitely don't think we should simply withdraw and leave children entirely to themselves. Parents inevitably shape the environment, transmit values, open doors, and sometimes insist on things children would not choose on their own. But your article left me wondering where that boundary lies. When I am up at 2AM thinking about my kids’ education, this is probably the question I struggle with most: how do I take responsibility for creating a rich environment for them without subtly taking ownership of their lives?
I feel this so much, and it is something I struggle with too. My current answer (subject to change) is that we should be more in control in the younger years, then loosen the reins in middle school, and then try to be mostly a guide in those high school years. There are still some boundaries about what they "must do" but trying to allow more and more choice. The thing about parenting is it feels like this constant dance. Once you have them figured out they shift and change. I think that's the hardest for me. Changing with them. I'm going to think harder on this. Are there a series of questions we can ask ourselves that help us decide should we intervene? is this a fight worth having? what is my role here? As my children get older, they are also putting ME in my place more (ex: they don't need help, they just want to vent). So perhaps it's simply listening to them more and being in tune with what they need. Either way, I wish I had a more clean answer. For now, I can simply say. You aren't alone. I feel the same -- and I think most parents do.
Thank you for this article Claire. Like you said, we do not to push our children more if they are capable, this builds resilience. And this can be applied to all facets of life.
Sports it great, but at such an early age, making it such a huge part of life - such as 3 times a week for training and competition, I find it too much, especially in combination with long school days. where do children get to rest and consolidate their day and ideas?
Exactly. There is so little time for children to just be children anymore! Thank you for the compliment. It made my day.
Thank you so much for this excellent article. It’s clear, concise, and makes every point so clearly. I agree with so much of it, especially the sports part, which is not talked about enough.
Thank you so much for the compliment. It made my day. Whenever I speak about sports it’s always a big contention online. I’m going to keep doing it. Thank you for the support❤️
Phenomenal article. I think here in the US, children are viewed incredibly fragile and incapable, in relation to learning. For example, my mother was an elementary principal and told me that the district outlined that kindergarten students should learn to count 1-10. Concurrently, the Montessori she enrolled me in had us doing 1-100. I do believe in assessing a child’s capability and not capping their learning. Thank you for this!
We did Montessori too, and it was incredible how much more the children were doing and so quickly. Montessori clearly respected children and thought they could do so much more.
Your distinction between taking learning seriously and demanding a sixteen-hour school day really matters. For teen money conversations, one practical starting point is letting them plan a small purchase within a budget, then discussing their choices without grading them. How do you recognize when a challenge needs more support rather than a higher bar?
I wrote an initial response to this, but deleted as I wanted to think on it more. Here's my new reply.
I know a mom who was on food stamps who homeschooled her daughter into Westpoint (I interviewed her (https://www.clarified.life/p/how-a-single-mom-of-four-homeschooled). I know another mom of 6 who lives below the poverty line and homeschooled all her children to great success (https://www.clarified.life/p/secrets-of-a-pioneer-homeschool-mom). I know another mom whose husband had a severe stroke and she was left on government assistance and drove a school bus to make end's meet. Her kids went to college too (https://www.clarified.life/p/homeschooling-through-family-crisis_).
It's not about the money. It's about wanting more and going after it.
Korea and Poland were both in extreme poverty a few decades before they became educational superpowers. Korea had been devastated by the Korean War. Poland had bread-lines behind the iron curtain. In a few decades-- out of sheer WILL - they became academic superpowers. Because they wanted it. We could if we wanted to. We chose not to.
The class that my daughter gets with a PhD archeologist is $300. We use ESA funds to pay for it. If my daughter was attending the local public school the school would receive 14K. I'm educating her far better for far less.
You can take FREE classes with PhDs through Harvard on edX and ASU's universal learning program is also open to anyone for FREE and has hundreds of college classes that if you want you can pay a nominal fee for and get college credit.
Money will not solve the education problem.
If it could, it would be solved. The only way is for people to decide to CARE. It will take a culture who decided education is the central responsibility of childhood and that children are capable of that work.
And America doesn't want to have a serious conversation about that. Until she is, I write for the parents who are engaged enough to find it for their own children.
It doesn't take money -- it does takes will. A hope more will take up the mantle.