Parenting Lessons from 1980s Japan

Jul 18, 2025

If you’ve never seen it, the film portrays children at their best—curious, imaginative, full of joy. It opens with two sisters moving into a run-down country home, but instead of complaining, they delight in its creaks and corners. Their father parents with warmth and ease. When they hesitate at the stairs, he smiles: “Why don’t you figure out how to go upstairs?” He never snaps. Never sighs. He helps them laugh through their fears and clearly delights in their company.

The creators of this film have a reverence for children. They capture intricate details—how toddlers climb stairs, how young children explore gardens, how freely they play and imagine.

In one of my favorite scenes, the youngest daughter picks flowers and places them on her father’s desk. “You’re flower shop, Daddy,” she says. He pauses. Picks one up, examining it with care before returning to work.

My own children have played like this hundreds of times. In most modern movies, that moment would be brushed off, played for laughs, or seen as a nuisance. In Totoro, it was sacred.

The children are depicted cooking, doing laundry, making meals with smiles and laughter. Not because they’re perfect, but because adults lovingly taught them to enjoy these tasks.

I was left wondering: What if more media depicted children this way?

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen a child portrayed so lovingly. In the family movie we watched before this—Up—the child is comic relief. Loud. Annoying. Tolerated. Yes, the old man grows to love him. But for most of the movie the kid is the butt of the joke.

You might not think it matters. But I do.

I remember how many of my academic colleagues—smart, successful people—constantly joked about how annoying their kids were. It was cultural. Expected. I didn’t even notice how much it shaped my thinking - a deep regret.

Now, I surround myself with parents who adore their children. Who delight in them. This isn’t an accident. It is a purposeful shift I have made.

You are the 5 people you hang out with most — so I choose parents who make me a better mother.

Are children always easy? No. Of course not. Even well meaning parents spend most of their days “fixing” their children’s behaviors. Don’t get me wrong - I do the same.

But how often do we revel in the beauty of the way children see the world?

What if, just once a day, we paused to simply observe?

To notice how they light up at the sight of a bug or a funny-shaped cloud. How they turn the floor into lava and the couch into a slide. How they offer their whole hearts in the form of drawings and dandelion bouquets.

Kids love helping, they have incredible energy, they are far more creative than adults. Their art surprising, their love unconditional.

You can make every mistake in the world and your 5 year old will forgive you.

So try this: Today, find one thing your child does that is beautiful, curious, or completely unique to them. Then find another one tomorrow.

Mine for today: Today like most days, my youngest daughter ran to the end of the street alongside my car to wish me goodbye as I left to exercise. She runs as far as she is allowed - typically then insists on a hug, and waves as she walks back home. I watch through the rearview mirror waving back all along the way. How lucky am I to be loved this much.

Parenting is the most beautiful way to spend a life.

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