Out of the millions of animal species on Earth, only three evolved grandparents. One of them is us.
Why? What exactly is the point of grandparents?
Evolution doesn’t waste energy. For a species to evolve grandparents, it means children with grandparents were more likely to survive. Generations were raised, not just by parents, but by a caring community.
Which makes me wonder: as grandparents have become less involved in family life, is that part of why raising children feels so impossibly hard today?
It’s no secret—parenting right now is brutal. Inflation, two-income households, global pandemics, families scattered across states or even countries. And yet, in the middle of this struggle, we’ve quietly sidelined one of the most powerful supports children were ever given: their grandparents.
Because grandparents are everything to children.
They get to be the steadying hand. The keeper of stories. The presence that doesn’t carry the burden of discipline or the constant pressure to ensure children “turn out” OK. Their job is to dote, to notice, to delight.
My mother still talks about her great-grandmother, Pearl. When my mom was a little girl, her father was traveling, her mother overwhelmed with a newborn, and her grandmother working to keep the household afloat. But Pearl? Pearl was just for her.
They spent afternoons making dolls from scraps of clothing, picking beans from the garden, watching food bubble on the stove. Pearl’s time was slow, devoted, unhurried. My mom says those moments shaped her more than almost anything else in her childhood.
And isn’t that what every child needs? Someone who is just for them.
The truth is that grandparents and children thrive in each other’s company. I’m reminded of a study about a retirement home that opened a daycare inside its building. The results were beautiful. Children gained better language skills, stronger self-regulation, even motor skills. The older adults? They showed improved cognition, stronger immune systems, and less depression.
We were never meant to raise children in isolation. We evolved in multi-generational communities, where babies were passed from hand to hand and elders were honored for their wisdom. Somewhere along the way, we lost that.
But maybe we can bring it back.
If you’re a grandparent, seek out your grandchildren. Show up. Be their Pearl. If you’re a parent, invite your parents into the messy, ordinary rhythm of your kids’ lives—or if that’s not possible, find other older adults who can step into that role.
One of my husband’s cousins chose not to have children. Recently, her parents gave us all her daughter’s childhood books. We’ve started treating them like grandparents—sending pictures, inviting them to school plays, sharing milestones. They’ve loved it. Children light up their lives.
The truth is, children need grandparents. And grandparents need children.
We were never meant to do this alone♥️
Looking for more inspiration? You might enjoy Parenting Lessons from 1980s Japan.
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~Dr. Claire Honeycutt
