✨What No One Tells You About Unschooling

A research-backed look at the beauty and blind spots of self-directed education

✨When I first started homeschooling, I was enamored by the joyful way that unschoolers raised their children.

I read Peter Gray and listened to unschooling podcasts with rapt attention. I implemented many of their strategies - I still do! But over the years, I’ve grown less enamored and more critical. The reason? Too many “unschoolers” don’t present an honest picture of what unschooling is like.

Today, I want to present a nuanced picture of the unschooling movement—the beautiful parts (and there are many), but also the dangers, pitfalls, and blind spots—so YOU can make an informed choice about how to educate your children.

First, some definitions. For those of you not familiar with unschooling, it's a practice of self-driven, informal learning characterized by a lesson- and curriculum-free implementation of homeschooling.

Full disclosure → I used AI to generate that definition. Why? Because AI is good at summarizing the most common descriptions from online sources.

The most common definition of unschooling is "lesson- and curriculum-free." I know some of you reading this are unschoolers and disagree with that statement. I get it. But hear me out.

One of the issues with unschooling is that its definition is so BROAD.

At one extreme are radical unschoolers. Radical unschoolers believe in letting children nearly 100% run their lives—including things like not insisting they brush their teeth. Aaron Strupple’s The Sovereign Child espouses this ideal at length—though he’s hardly the first. He recently appeared on the Tim Ferris podcast, and honestly, I don’t get livid often, but I was furious—for DAYS—about the incorrect information they were spreading on one of the largest platforms out there. But I digress.

Very few unschoolers are radical unschoolers. The vast majority focus on "student-directed" and "student-owned" learning. They believe in empowering their kids to follow their own interests.

This group of unschoolers I relate to. This group gets a LOT RIGHT!

Let’s start there.

✨What Unschoolers Get Right About Education 👇

Me & my girls (ages 10 & 8 in photo)

1. Child-led learning → Kids get a say in what and how they study. Let them explore their interests deeply.

2. Flexible schedule & individualized education → Not everyone develops the same skills at the same time. Let kids run ahead in subjects they are strong in and take more time with others. Kids should explore their unique strengths and interests deeply.

3. Life as a classroom & real-life skills → There is much to learn that is not traditionally "education." My podcasts with Peter and Dawnita, who both integrated their children into their businesses, are wonderful examples. Kids need more than reading, writing, and arithmetic: time management, cooking, knitting, starting a business, taxes, fixing a clogged sink (my 11-year-old knows how, but says, "It’s gross"), and on and on…

4. Integrated learning across disciplines → This is a personal favorite. Thinking outside the box means seeing unique perspectives. Teaching history/science/art together—there are incredible ways to do this! I’ve written about this often. Here’s one I’m particularly fond of The Path to Polymath: Teach Your Kids to Think Like Renaissance Geniuses

5. Keeping the fire of learning burning bright → Perhaps the thing unschoolers get MOST right is ensuring kids LOVE learning. That fire isn’t extinguished—it’s stoked, encouraged, and grown through their formative years.

What’s not to like? This list is incredible.

Honestly, if you aren’t homeschooling with these principles, you’re doing it wrong.

✨Unschoolers get a lot right, but what they get wrong can be dangerous

Unschooling becomes dangerous when it’s portrayed as easy: playing in the stream equals science, reading under the trees equals language arts, video games equal reading & coding.

Don’t get me wrong—these activities are wonderful and you should be doing them. But they aren’t enough on their own.

Unschooling done right is HARD work.

Please don't think that kids who unschool without rigorous academics somehow end up in college.

Unschooling must be paired with personal responsibility from the child and huge dedication from parents to ensure an intellectually rich environment.

I’ve interviewed several unschoolers for the podcast (more dropping this fall), and the ones that went to college were doing intense academics (with lessons and curricula) in high school. Most of the parents created incredible, intellectually rich environments - and involved serious curriculum.

If you believe in self-directed education (hey, that’s me too!), here are some things that many in the unschooling community won’t tell you. This might not be popular, but some things must be said. I take my role in helping you educate your children very seriously.

Ready? Let’s go.

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What Unschoolers (can) Get Wrong

✨ WHEN a Child Learns Something Is Important

Many unschoolers will tell you it doesn’t matter if your child is a late reader; they’ll learn when they’re ready. But is that backed by science? In short: no.

Maria Montessori was right. There are sensitive time windows in brain development when a child is more ready to learn certain subjects. Miss those windows, and learning is harder—sometimes never as complete.

Children's brains are incredibly special, but it doesn’t last. For more, read The Ticking Time Clock of Children’s Brains: Use It or Lose It Forever

There IS, however, a range. Some will read at 4, others at 6. But 9+ is outside the optimal brain window. Can they still learn to read? Yes. But it will be harder. Encouraging reading early is not harmful—it’s helpful. This applies to many other skills, too.

PS. Jessica who raised not one but three dyslexic children feels strongly that children with learning disabilities should be helped earlier not later. In her words, it takes them longer to learn so teaching them late sets them at even more of a disadvantage. For more of her wisdom, listen to her incredible episode → Turning Dyslexia into a Strength: One Mom’s Story.

✨ Children Need to Be BROAD

Children should go deep into their passions (please encourage this!), but they’re not going to find the Hagia Sophia, Frank Llyod Wright, or astrophysics on their own. My oldest hated reading and writing; now she’s reading 100s of books a year and writing a novel.

Education should be as broad as possible for as long as possible. Homeschooling lets us move through the essentials quickly, making space for deep dives. But total dedication to passion alone can limit long-term options.

✨ Doing Hard Things Is Important

If we lean 100% into self-directed learning, we deprive kids of the skill of persistence. Life is not always magical. Accomplishing anything of substance requires resilience through the hard parts.

No one who has done something great has skipped the grind. Kids must learn that skill.

✨ Catching Up Is NOT Easy

I’ve had to catch my oldest up. It’s wasn’t easy—not for her, not for me.

Prominent people in the unschooling movement will mention a study where 7th graders with no formal math instruction were able to catch up and exceed other students. What they fail to mention is that this study was VERY flawed. Most important, the “control” group with no math instruction - WAS receiving math instruction.

The study was completed in 1929. At the time, formal math instruction was considered math drills and procedures. The group NOT receiving math instruction was doing things like telling time, measuring objects, counting scores, solving practical problems verbally, estimating quantities or dividing items, discussing distances, prices, verbal problem-solving etc. In other words, they were being taught conceptual math!

This study demonstrates clearly that conceptual math is more important than procedural - something I agree with and have written about often Do You Want Your Kids to Understand Math or Just Appear That They Do? and Your Kids' Math Program Won't Be Enough. But the 1929 study children were absolutely receiving math instruction. Actually, they were receiving SUPERIOR math instruction, so it’s no surprise that they ultimately passed the other group.

If your child is behind a grade or two or their learning is uneven (higher in some subjects and behind in others), this is OK - and part of normal development variation. However, it is NOT true that your child can easily learn the entire K-8 math curriculum in 6 months in 9th grade (something I hear often). Even those that can won’t be able to do anything else - which is hardly ideal for them or their education.

✨ College Admittance Isn’t a Joke

College is far from the only way to measure success! There have never been more options or alternatives. However, if you want to leave college open as a possibility for your child, they must play the game.

Back when I first started homeschooling, I watched a documentary which chronicled the stories of different homeschoolers. It was overwhelmingly positive. But there was one 19 year old who stuck with me. She had been unschooled. Her education primarily existed of helping in her family’s business. She had exceptional skills in weaving and other crafts - truly incredible. However, she didn’t want to do those things. She wanted to go to college. She was completely overwhelmed because she was behind in every subject. She had YEARS of work to do before she could even apply for college. She was 19. I sometimes wonder what happened to her.

The families of children who go to college are taking academics VERY seriously. They are often going above and beyond what is expected in public school. Will some children do this on their own in a self-directed fashion? Absolutely and that’s the goal! But anyone telling you that their kid got into college without curriculum, is lying.

Most Unschoolers Aren’t Unschooling

This is the crux of the issue, and why I will no longer use the term unschooling to describe how I educate my children. Most people who say they unschool are working VERY HARD to curate, encourage, coax their children into who they will become. It’s beautiful, but HARD work. It is also accompanied by a lot of curriculum and lesson plans for the college-bound and truthfully for the vast majority.

Most unschoolers are really focused on student-directed learning - wherever that path leads.

Why does the distinction matter?

Because popular unschooling influencers imply kids can end up with perfect SAT scores or Ivy League offers without any formal academics. It’s misleading.

In my interview with Kerry McDonald, her oldest daughter (the one with the college scholarship) was enrolled in a rigorous online high school. Her other children attend Sudbury schools which provides the kind of intellectually rich environment most parents can only dream about.

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✨Conclusion and Future Directions

I remain a staunch advocate for student-directed education!

Particularly, as kids age. I used this method extensively in my university classroom to MUCH success. It was incredible to watch college students come alive with a passion for learning again.

I implement it with my children too. They are increasingly responsible for their learning - as they are with many things around the house. But, we extensively use curriculum and lessons. This is strongly supplemented with real-life experiences, travel, nature study, independent passion projects, and so much more.

I take my role in education seriously. I speak from experience—what I’ve done with my kids, 1,000s of college students, and what is supported by rigorous research.

Joyful, student-led learning is beautiful—but it doesn’t happen by accident.

It takes vision, curation, effort, and a deep understanding of both children and the brain.

Please take education seriously—no matter what method you choose♥️

~Dr. Claire Honeycutt