I didn’t know the details of the 1929 study you mentioned. Thanks for sharing that, in particular!
My family’s homeschooling experience is probably eclectic. We are relaxed homeschoolers up to around high school age and then we lean more towards unschooling. In traditional homeschool communities, we look like unschoolers. In radical unschooling communities, we do not look like unschoolers.
In the high school years my main requirement is math with mom. We use Life of Fred math at that point. I do the math problem by problem with my kids. I also have them write thank you notes. I do read to my kids and take them to fun educational places but I do not require my high school age kids to participate if they do not want to. At some point they choose to take college classes. I do not require them to. I mention the classes and they say yes or no. Two of my kids started taking classes quite young and the other two sons waited a little bit. They only take one a semester early on and they are usually art, robotics, or other hands on classes.Then when my kids get closer to college age, they have chosen to take more traditional science and math college classes that count towards their future degrees. At some point they are almost like college students but not taking as many credit hours as is typical for a college student. However, they do fine without a high school course beforehand. For instance with chemistry, I read them living chemistry books. I have one book that literally has 15 problems in the entire book - just really intro type problems - that I do with them. I might do a few fun chemistry experiments at home with them. This is all very relaxed and not like a high school chemistry course at all. I ask them if it would be okay if we learn about chemistry that year and they say yes. I don’t force it. Then they take STEM Chemistry at the local college and do fine. This counts towards their college majors. With math, at some point, they choose to take math at the college mostly because I would hate to teach them all the math they need and then have them not pass the placement test. They do fine in the math and that counts towards their future college majors. I guess my philosophy is that high school is not always necessary. Many homeschooled kids can go from a relaxed homeschool environment directly into college classes without high school courses and do fine. I do not write lesson plans or follow a curriculum. Maybe we are atypical but my fourth son is 17 and is planning on studying STEM like his older three brothers ( will he choose Mechanical Engineering or computer science or something different than his brothers - I am excited to find out!). This particular son took robotics, drafting and trig at the local college over two years from ages 14-16. He has now chosen to take chemistry and Photoshop this semester and he listens to me read aloud. I always worry about my kids - like most parents - but with every kid I worried and then they did fantastically in college. I did not plan to homeschool in this manner necessarily. I just realized over time that this was best for my family.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'd love to hear it in more depth sometime! Out of interest, I assume your kids did online college classes? Did you apply to a specific school? I'd love to know how you managed that process for a high school student. Also, are your kids doing an in-person college? What are their long-term goals? thank you again. Always looking to learn from veteran homeschoolers!
I love that you wrote this and explained it so well. I’m concerned by how many newer homeschool parents I see radically unschooling. There seems to be a misunderstanding of what the role of the parent is when it comes to educating children. I may share this in my local homeschool group if that’s ok.
I don’t unschool because I know I’m not capable of doing it in a way that’s beneficial to my kids. I have too many kids to be able to handle that. We use a “gentle” curriculum which allows me time to add in more delightful learning experiences without the worry I’m missing important academics for my college bound kids. I’ve homeschooled this way since my oldest was little and now she’s thriving in a rigorous home study high school and has a great ACT score for college (she’s going into the medical field). This method has allowed her to thrive academically, but she’s also loves reading and she has many practical skills including knitting, building structures like chicken coops from scratch, cooking, etc.
That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Out of interest, what home study high school are you using? Always looking to learn from veteran homeschoolers!
There's definitely more to any educational philosophy than can be expressed in a word or two. The reason I still use the word unschooling is that the idea of trading control for influence is so important to me, and most schooling methodologies still seem hung up on control. You can't make a person do math. You can prepare yourself to assist people in learning math, model playing with math yourself in different ways, model working on math at the edges of your own abilities and how you handle the frustration that comes with that, partake in low-floor/high-ceiling activities together and graciously accept their help when they solve a math puzzle you're stuck on, strew mathematical fun, talk about the various benefits of practicing math, and surround your kid with other people who delight in math too. And yes, all of that is quite a bit of effort that doesn't just happen. But also the potential for quite a bit of nerdy joy. Of course all this goes for other subjects as well, but math seems to be the area in which adults are most likely to insist that they have already put in their time and don't wish to engage anymore. Respect for that which children are learning paired with a demonstration that learning never stops is a powerful combination that can be employed regardless of the curricula used or not used.
You are so right - modeling the behaviors we want in our children is always the best strategy. My kids are absolutely little-mes in so many ways (good & bad). Though I'm a STEM person with a deep humanities kid. LOL Thank you for sharing your thoughts on helping kinds find passions in every subject.
Thank you for this. I come from a very academic and ambitious family and yet chose to unschool. I struggle between child-led (they never lead to “rigorous academics”) and forcing curriculum on them- and then which ones?! Just because I don’t want them schooled, doesn’t mean I don’t want them educated- but what’s important? I in-source mentors and tutors to expose my kids to multiple subjects, I get creative (have tried the fun science and engineering subscriptions) and we travel a lot but to force or not to force academics is a daily mental wrestling match. Add in that I have an AuDHD kiddo who refuses anything non-preferred. And there is so much conflicting advice/research/opinions that unschooling is not for the faint of heart. I often say I should have just sent them to school and blamed everything on them lol 😂 . (But I know too much so would never). All that to say- what’s to most important academics that are worth the struggle to get them to do?
I have an interview with a woman named Michelle coming up in the next month. She managed this balance so beautifully. She would call herself an unschooler but she also did very rigorous academics with her kids through letting them select their specific interests. We started more unschooling - but my oldest refused nearly anything academic - sounds a bit like your child. I moved her slowly into more academics through finding what she loved in those specific activities. Reading was easiest - I read to her every night until she started doing it herself. Writing, we started with poems because those have so few "rules." Math has been a challenge but as she's gotten older she understands some things are hard but we have to do them. We've working on different curriculum and given her a lot of say in how she does it, but it's still a necessity. All that to say she went from hating reading and writing to reading all the time and she's writing a novel - we have NOT mastered loving math - maybe we never will. But I think you are right to prioritize the love and enjoyment and through slow coaching hopefully they'll get to where they need to be. I hope Michelle will also be helpful to you!
Thank you for putting it outside the paywall. My oldest is 4 years old and I’ve been contemplating homeschooling, but I oscillate. It’s hard to find nuanced conversations about this, either completely pro or against… and that doesn’t help my case!
Thank you for saying this. I have a hard time writing in the space because I love living in the nuance but few really want to hear that. There are pluses and minuses to everything and every child is unique! I was scared to write this piece but the feedback has been positive. I'll try to write more in the nuance in the future.
Once I got used to homeschooling, I used curriculum like a recipe. It is a good starting point to make sure nothing important is missed, but I tweak it, adding some things not in the recipe/curriculum, subtracting other things, and changing the amount and focus to match the needs of my children and our family. I rarely follow either exactly, but their are some occasions where it needs to be followed fairly closely (like baking) to work out. Others can be very loosely followed (like soup).
This article makes a lot of sense. My siblings and I were homeschooled and all of us received large academic scholarships to college. This was NOT an accident. My parents gave us rigorous grounding in core subjects as well as lots of prep and practice for the SAT, ACT, PSAT and other gatekeeping exams. Because we were homeschooled, though, we still did have a lot of time to follow our interests. Mornings were for working through curriculum. Afternoons were typically for our own interests and unstructured learning.
I think of it the same way. We knock out core subjects in the mornings and then use afternoons for individual interests - though honestly they have so many of those it's still hard to find time. =)
I wouldn’t call our family’s homeschooling child- or student-led, definitely not unschooling, so I was surprised by how much I agreed with you in this post. I enjoyed reading it. We spend most of our time focusing on structured academics but have plenty of time for the unstructured experiences as well. Do you think being a college professor makes it easier for you to ensure educational milestones are being reached in a way that might be challenging for parents without a background in academics?
You carry a lot of the balance we have too. Academics but lots of time for individual interests. I'm sure that my background in education helps, but my world was neuroscience so I knew near nothing about elementary school milestones. I had to learn all of that the same way everyone else would. I found it very intimidating at first - and incorrectly believed I wasn't qualified - which of course seems silly now. All that to say, I had the same fears (still do sometimes) that most parents do.
This was such a great read! Thank you! 🙏🏽 I've also read Peter Gray's Free to Learn and connected with a lot of that philosophy. At the same time, my mom intuition and some spiritual nudges have been leading me to a path that is more structured, rigorous AND gentle for our family. My oldest is 6 and we've been slowly adding in more curriculum. We keep things short with lots of breaks in between and adjust as needed. But I’ve definitely had moments of doubt. Learning about unschooling made me feel like using a curriculum was somehow the “wrong” choice. You're right, some of the content out there can be unintentionally misleading.
This feels like an answer to a prayer. I love the aspects you highlighted that unschoolers get right, those are the things I resonate with and will continue to pay attention to. Also thank you for sharing about your daughter's journey from hating to read to writing novels. It's encouraging
I'm so glad this was helpful. Also, I think your progression from more unschooling to more structured is natural. At 6, it makes sense to have a lot of freedom and academics less prominent. As kids age, we can add in additions. I would still say our world is "gentle" despite having added a lot more academics. Let me know if I can help you in any way on your journey.
I homeschooled and then unschooled my kids. I agree, it's a lot more complicated than most people think and it's definitely not hands-off. Facilitating self-directed learning for children is complex and has it's own structure: unschooling is not unstructured learning. It builds, not in a sequential way most times, but all over the place and requires the parent to be on the ball, ready and able to find and seize opportunities that the child needs to take them to the next place they need to go in their learning journey. It's like being switched on all the time because learning doesn't happen just between set hours. So yeah, it's hard work, but enjoyable and rewarding work. Unschooling is intentional. And done well it's brilliant.
I once dated a man who, because I had a stem degree and a better paying job at the time, suggested that he stay home and homeschool the kids, in the very next sentence he said he wanted to unschool which he told me meant he would not need to teach them math, which he hated in school….
I was horrified because I know very well that skill with math takes years of study, and cannot be developed in a short time, and many many life pathways are closed if you can’t do or quickly develop the ability to do the math.
I’m glad to know that true unschooling is a bit more methodical in making sure all the bases are covered.
I'm sorry you had that experience but sounds like your intuition was spot on. While there are some unschoolers that are more methodical, I find far too many aren't that way - especially the influencers out there. That's why I felt the need to write this post. I'd say we are closer to classical model of education these days - but with a lot of time for kids to explore their unique interests and drive their education in many ways. Thank you for taking the time to write!
Thank you for writing this. It’s rare to find such a balanced, honest, and deeply personal reflection on the promises and pitfalls of unschooling. I especially appreciated the sections where you highlighted what unschoolers get right, cultivating intrinsic motivation, integrating learning across disciplines, and protecting that “fire” for discovery. These are powerful reminders of why many of us chose this path in the first place.
I also agree with your point that successful self-directed education isn’t a passive process. Creating a rich, stimulating environment for children takes intentionality, effort, and vision. It’s not simply “let them play in a stream and all will work out.” The hard work behind the scenes often goes unseen, and it’s important that families considering unschooling understand what it really requires.
That said, I found myself wrestling with a few aspects of the framing, especially around the definition of unschooling and some of the contrasts drawn throughout the piece.
The AI-generated definition, “a lesson- and curriculum-free implementation of homeschooling”, captures a stereotype more than the essence of unschooling. To me, unschooling isn’t defined by the absence of lessons or curricula but by who holds the agency.
If a learner creates their own “curriculum,” driven by personal curiosity, that’s still unschooling. If they seek out lessons, whether from a mentor, a workshop, or a deep dive into a topic, that’s still unschooling. What matters is not the form but the authorship of learning.
Defining unschooling in opposition to school-like structures risks narrowing the vision. It can unintentionally exclude children who choose to engage with structure on their own terms, and it frames unschooling as reactionary rather than affirmative, as something to escape from instead of a conscious practice of sovereignty, agency, and exploration.
I also noticed some recurring binaries that may limit the conversation:
Lessons vs. freedom: In practice, freedom often includes choosing structured learning.
Passion projects vs. academic rigor: Deep curiosity and intellectual challenge are not mutually exclusive; they can fuel each other.
College-ready vs. unschooling: Many self-directed learners pursue higher education successfully, not by abandoning autonomy but by integrating rigor on their own terms. And perhaps there’s an even deeper question beneath this: as we stand on the precipice of a new age, where AI, automation, and decentralized learning are reshaping work and knowledge, is college even the smart or inevitable goal for young learners anymore? The pathways to mastery, contribution, and economic independence are diversifying rapidly. Preparing kids to be adaptive, self-directed, and resilient may matter far more than preparing them to fit into legacy systems that might not serve them in the world ahead.
These "contrasts" aren’t opposing camps so much as a spectrum. Families often move fluidly along it over time.
I appreciate the reminder that there are optimal windows for learning certain skills, and I think parents should have that knowledge. But I also believe the framing matters. Development is profoundly nonlinear, and curiosity-driven learners often compress years of traditional instruction into short bursts when motivation is high.
This doesn’t mean we abandon rigor or resources. It means we trust that timing can be personal, and learning doesn’t always follow the same path for everyone.
For me, unschooling is less about rejecting school and more about reclaiming authorship over learning. It’s not defined by what’s missing (lessons, curricula, structure) but by what’s present:
Sovereignty: The learner chooses the path.
Curiosity: Questions, not standards, drive the journey.
Flexibility: Structure, when it exists, serves the learner rather than the other way around.
Integration: Life and learning aren’t separate; they inform each other.
This framing holds space for rigor, for chosen curricula, for structured lessons when they serve the learner’s goals.
What I value most about your piece is that it invites a more honest conversation about what unschooling demands of families and I think that conversation deepens when we move beyond stereotypes and false dichotomies.
I’d love to see definitions of unschooling evolve toward agency and authorship rather than the absence of structure. To me, unschooling isn’t “freedom from” so much as “freedom to”. Freedom to design, to choose, to explore, and to create.
This is such a great, balanced definition of unschooling! It gets a bad reputation in our home education circles because of the downsides you mentioned, but also because of lack of discipline. Actually, by your definition we have a lot of unschooling families.
I didn’t know the details of the 1929 study you mentioned. Thanks for sharing that, in particular!
My family’s homeschooling experience is probably eclectic. We are relaxed homeschoolers up to around high school age and then we lean more towards unschooling. In traditional homeschool communities, we look like unschoolers. In radical unschooling communities, we do not look like unschoolers.
In the high school years my main requirement is math with mom. We use Life of Fred math at that point. I do the math problem by problem with my kids. I also have them write thank you notes. I do read to my kids and take them to fun educational places but I do not require my high school age kids to participate if they do not want to. At some point they choose to take college classes. I do not require them to. I mention the classes and they say yes or no. Two of my kids started taking classes quite young and the other two sons waited a little bit. They only take one a semester early on and they are usually art, robotics, or other hands on classes.Then when my kids get closer to college age, they have chosen to take more traditional science and math college classes that count towards their future degrees. At some point they are almost like college students but not taking as many credit hours as is typical for a college student. However, they do fine without a high school course beforehand. For instance with chemistry, I read them living chemistry books. I have one book that literally has 15 problems in the entire book - just really intro type problems - that I do with them. I might do a few fun chemistry experiments at home with them. This is all very relaxed and not like a high school chemistry course at all. I ask them if it would be okay if we learn about chemistry that year and they say yes. I don’t force it. Then they take STEM Chemistry at the local college and do fine. This counts towards their college majors. With math, at some point, they choose to take math at the college mostly because I would hate to teach them all the math they need and then have them not pass the placement test. They do fine in the math and that counts towards their future college majors. I guess my philosophy is that high school is not always necessary. Many homeschooled kids can go from a relaxed homeschool environment directly into college classes without high school courses and do fine. I do not write lesson plans or follow a curriculum. Maybe we are atypical but my fourth son is 17 and is planning on studying STEM like his older three brothers ( will he choose Mechanical Engineering or computer science or something different than his brothers - I am excited to find out!). This particular son took robotics, drafting and trig at the local college over two years from ages 14-16. He has now chosen to take chemistry and Photoshop this semester and he listens to me read aloud. I always worry about my kids - like most parents - but with every kid I worried and then they did fantastically in college. I did not plan to homeschool in this manner necessarily. I just realized over time that this was best for my family.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'd love to hear it in more depth sometime! Out of interest, I assume your kids did online college classes? Did you apply to a specific school? I'd love to know how you managed that process for a high school student. Also, are your kids doing an in-person college? What are their long-term goals? thank you again. Always looking to learn from veteran homeschoolers!
I love that you wrote this and explained it so well. I’m concerned by how many newer homeschool parents I see radically unschooling. There seems to be a misunderstanding of what the role of the parent is when it comes to educating children. I may share this in my local homeschool group if that’s ok.
I don’t unschool because I know I’m not capable of doing it in a way that’s beneficial to my kids. I have too many kids to be able to handle that. We use a “gentle” curriculum which allows me time to add in more delightful learning experiences without the worry I’m missing important academics for my college bound kids. I’ve homeschooled this way since my oldest was little and now she’s thriving in a rigorous home study high school and has a great ACT score for college (she’s going into the medical field). This method has allowed her to thrive academically, but she’s also loves reading and she has many practical skills including knitting, building structures like chicken coops from scratch, cooking, etc.
That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Out of interest, what home study high school are you using? Always looking to learn from veteran homeschoolers!
There's definitely more to any educational philosophy than can be expressed in a word or two. The reason I still use the word unschooling is that the idea of trading control for influence is so important to me, and most schooling methodologies still seem hung up on control. You can't make a person do math. You can prepare yourself to assist people in learning math, model playing with math yourself in different ways, model working on math at the edges of your own abilities and how you handle the frustration that comes with that, partake in low-floor/high-ceiling activities together and graciously accept their help when they solve a math puzzle you're stuck on, strew mathematical fun, talk about the various benefits of practicing math, and surround your kid with other people who delight in math too. And yes, all of that is quite a bit of effort that doesn't just happen. But also the potential for quite a bit of nerdy joy. Of course all this goes for other subjects as well, but math seems to be the area in which adults are most likely to insist that they have already put in their time and don't wish to engage anymore. Respect for that which children are learning paired with a demonstration that learning never stops is a powerful combination that can be employed regardless of the curricula used or not used.
You are so right - modeling the behaviors we want in our children is always the best strategy. My kids are absolutely little-mes in so many ways (good & bad). Though I'm a STEM person with a deep humanities kid. LOL Thank you for sharing your thoughts on helping kinds find passions in every subject.
Thank you for this. I come from a very academic and ambitious family and yet chose to unschool. I struggle between child-led (they never lead to “rigorous academics”) and forcing curriculum on them- and then which ones?! Just because I don’t want them schooled, doesn’t mean I don’t want them educated- but what’s important? I in-source mentors and tutors to expose my kids to multiple subjects, I get creative (have tried the fun science and engineering subscriptions) and we travel a lot but to force or not to force academics is a daily mental wrestling match. Add in that I have an AuDHD kiddo who refuses anything non-preferred. And there is so much conflicting advice/research/opinions that unschooling is not for the faint of heart. I often say I should have just sent them to school and blamed everything on them lol 😂 . (But I know too much so would never). All that to say- what’s to most important academics that are worth the struggle to get them to do?
I have an interview with a woman named Michelle coming up in the next month. She managed this balance so beautifully. She would call herself an unschooler but she also did very rigorous academics with her kids through letting them select their specific interests. We started more unschooling - but my oldest refused nearly anything academic - sounds a bit like your child. I moved her slowly into more academics through finding what she loved in those specific activities. Reading was easiest - I read to her every night until she started doing it herself. Writing, we started with poems because those have so few "rules." Math has been a challenge but as she's gotten older she understands some things are hard but we have to do them. We've working on different curriculum and given her a lot of say in how she does it, but it's still a necessity. All that to say she went from hating reading and writing to reading all the time and she's writing a novel - we have NOT mastered loving math - maybe we never will. But I think you are right to prioritize the love and enjoyment and through slow coaching hopefully they'll get to where they need to be. I hope Michelle will also be helpful to you!
Thank you for putting it outside the paywall. My oldest is 4 years old and I’ve been contemplating homeschooling, but I oscillate. It’s hard to find nuanced conversations about this, either completely pro or against… and that doesn’t help my case!
Thank you again, very informative.
Thank you for saying this. I have a hard time writing in the space because I love living in the nuance but few really want to hear that. There are pluses and minuses to everything and every child is unique! I was scared to write this piece but the feedback has been positive. I'll try to write more in the nuance in the future.
Once I got used to homeschooling, I used curriculum like a recipe. It is a good starting point to make sure nothing important is missed, but I tweak it, adding some things not in the recipe/curriculum, subtracting other things, and changing the amount and focus to match the needs of my children and our family. I rarely follow either exactly, but their are some occasions where it needs to be followed fairly closely (like baking) to work out. Others can be very loosely followed (like soup).
What a perfect analogy. This is very much the way I think about it too!
This article makes a lot of sense. My siblings and I were homeschooled and all of us received large academic scholarships to college. This was NOT an accident. My parents gave us rigorous grounding in core subjects as well as lots of prep and practice for the SAT, ACT, PSAT and other gatekeeping exams. Because we were homeschooled, though, we still did have a lot of time to follow our interests. Mornings were for working through curriculum. Afternoons were typically for our own interests and unstructured learning.
I think of it the same way. We knock out core subjects in the mornings and then use afternoons for individual interests - though honestly they have so many of those it's still hard to find time. =)
This is a good one! Nicely nuanced look at what we mean by unschooling.
Thank you Jessica.
I wouldn’t call our family’s homeschooling child- or student-led, definitely not unschooling, so I was surprised by how much I agreed with you in this post. I enjoyed reading it. We spend most of our time focusing on structured academics but have plenty of time for the unstructured experiences as well. Do you think being a college professor makes it easier for you to ensure educational milestones are being reached in a way that might be challenging for parents without a background in academics?
You carry a lot of the balance we have too. Academics but lots of time for individual interests. I'm sure that my background in education helps, but my world was neuroscience so I knew near nothing about elementary school milestones. I had to learn all of that the same way everyone else would. I found it very intimidating at first - and incorrectly believed I wasn't qualified - which of course seems silly now. All that to say, I had the same fears (still do sometimes) that most parents do.
This was such a great read! Thank you! 🙏🏽 I've also read Peter Gray's Free to Learn and connected with a lot of that philosophy. At the same time, my mom intuition and some spiritual nudges have been leading me to a path that is more structured, rigorous AND gentle for our family. My oldest is 6 and we've been slowly adding in more curriculum. We keep things short with lots of breaks in between and adjust as needed. But I’ve definitely had moments of doubt. Learning about unschooling made me feel like using a curriculum was somehow the “wrong” choice. You're right, some of the content out there can be unintentionally misleading.
This feels like an answer to a prayer. I love the aspects you highlighted that unschoolers get right, those are the things I resonate with and will continue to pay attention to. Also thank you for sharing about your daughter's journey from hating to read to writing novels. It's encouraging
I'm so glad this was helpful. Also, I think your progression from more unschooling to more structured is natural. At 6, it makes sense to have a lot of freedom and academics less prominent. As kids age, we can add in additions. I would still say our world is "gentle" despite having added a lot more academics. Let me know if I can help you in any way on your journey.
I homeschooled and then unschooled my kids. I agree, it's a lot more complicated than most people think and it's definitely not hands-off. Facilitating self-directed learning for children is complex and has it's own structure: unschooling is not unstructured learning. It builds, not in a sequential way most times, but all over the place and requires the parent to be on the ball, ready and able to find and seize opportunities that the child needs to take them to the next place they need to go in their learning journey. It's like being switched on all the time because learning doesn't happen just between set hours. So yeah, it's hard work, but enjoyable and rewarding work. Unschooling is intentional. And done well it's brilliant.
Exactly
I once dated a man who, because I had a stem degree and a better paying job at the time, suggested that he stay home and homeschool the kids, in the very next sentence he said he wanted to unschool which he told me meant he would not need to teach them math, which he hated in school….
I was horrified because I know very well that skill with math takes years of study, and cannot be developed in a short time, and many many life pathways are closed if you can’t do or quickly develop the ability to do the math.
I’m glad to know that true unschooling is a bit more methodical in making sure all the bases are covered.
I'm sorry you had that experience but sounds like your intuition was spot on. While there are some unschoolers that are more methodical, I find far too many aren't that way - especially the influencers out there. That's why I felt the need to write this post. I'd say we are closer to classical model of education these days - but with a lot of time for kids to explore their unique interests and drive their education in many ways. Thank you for taking the time to write!
Thank you for writing this. It’s rare to find such a balanced, honest, and deeply personal reflection on the promises and pitfalls of unschooling. I especially appreciated the sections where you highlighted what unschoolers get right, cultivating intrinsic motivation, integrating learning across disciplines, and protecting that “fire” for discovery. These are powerful reminders of why many of us chose this path in the first place.
I also agree with your point that successful self-directed education isn’t a passive process. Creating a rich, stimulating environment for children takes intentionality, effort, and vision. It’s not simply “let them play in a stream and all will work out.” The hard work behind the scenes often goes unseen, and it’s important that families considering unschooling understand what it really requires.
That said, I found myself wrestling with a few aspects of the framing, especially around the definition of unschooling and some of the contrasts drawn throughout the piece.
The AI-generated definition, “a lesson- and curriculum-free implementation of homeschooling”, captures a stereotype more than the essence of unschooling. To me, unschooling isn’t defined by the absence of lessons or curricula but by who holds the agency.
If a learner creates their own “curriculum,” driven by personal curiosity, that’s still unschooling. If they seek out lessons, whether from a mentor, a workshop, or a deep dive into a topic, that’s still unschooling. What matters is not the form but the authorship of learning.
Defining unschooling in opposition to school-like structures risks narrowing the vision. It can unintentionally exclude children who choose to engage with structure on their own terms, and it frames unschooling as reactionary rather than affirmative, as something to escape from instead of a conscious practice of sovereignty, agency, and exploration.
I also noticed some recurring binaries that may limit the conversation:
Lessons vs. freedom: In practice, freedom often includes choosing structured learning.
Passion projects vs. academic rigor: Deep curiosity and intellectual challenge are not mutually exclusive; they can fuel each other.
College-ready vs. unschooling: Many self-directed learners pursue higher education successfully, not by abandoning autonomy but by integrating rigor on their own terms. And perhaps there’s an even deeper question beneath this: as we stand on the precipice of a new age, where AI, automation, and decentralized learning are reshaping work and knowledge, is college even the smart or inevitable goal for young learners anymore? The pathways to mastery, contribution, and economic independence are diversifying rapidly. Preparing kids to be adaptive, self-directed, and resilient may matter far more than preparing them to fit into legacy systems that might not serve them in the world ahead.
These "contrasts" aren’t opposing camps so much as a spectrum. Families often move fluidly along it over time.
I appreciate the reminder that there are optimal windows for learning certain skills, and I think parents should have that knowledge. But I also believe the framing matters. Development is profoundly nonlinear, and curiosity-driven learners often compress years of traditional instruction into short bursts when motivation is high.
This doesn’t mean we abandon rigor or resources. It means we trust that timing can be personal, and learning doesn’t always follow the same path for everyone.
For me, unschooling is less about rejecting school and more about reclaiming authorship over learning. It’s not defined by what’s missing (lessons, curricula, structure) but by what’s present:
Sovereignty: The learner chooses the path.
Curiosity: Questions, not standards, drive the journey.
Flexibility: Structure, when it exists, serves the learner rather than the other way around.
Integration: Life and learning aren’t separate; they inform each other.
This framing holds space for rigor, for chosen curricula, for structured lessons when they serve the learner’s goals.
What I value most about your piece is that it invites a more honest conversation about what unschooling demands of families and I think that conversation deepens when we move beyond stereotypes and false dichotomies.
I’d love to see definitions of unschooling evolve toward agency and authorship rather than the absence of structure. To me, unschooling isn’t “freedom from” so much as “freedom to”. Freedom to design, to choose, to explore, and to create.
This is such a great, balanced definition of unschooling! It gets a bad reputation in our home education circles because of the downsides you mentioned, but also because of lack of discipline. Actually, by your definition we have a lot of unschooling families.